boring reliever!

hola! not that excited hola from me actually haha just to considering what to do next right after am updating here.. todays kinda gloomy day for me as flu and fever catching up to me  since last week as i can counter.. 
anywho yesterday i went to the city for finding a job  kinda boring reliever for me to go outside arhaus finally.. 
no, not that finding a job to release my boring tho everyone need a job actually,, is this kinda economic stuff.. a job is very important especially for someone who had a family like me..
plus, i am not a person that can stayed at home for 24/7 without doing anything i do love sleeping and just watching DVDs all the time without ever worried to find money and stuff because i have a husband to be granted just tell me who ever dont love to sleep and relax at home it just so heaven! 😄
as a wife, its my job to help even not a peny, but at least lessen the burden on my husband's shoulder..  for the time being while holding my phone 24/7 waiting for a job call,,  my heart itching to get out and go for a sea
i just loveeee seas! the breeze the water splashing at my feet were sooo refreshing you know..  maybe for someone like me, reallyyyy need that kinda boring reliever..
if and only if long ago while i'm single and available, of course i am already there washing my eyes with sea seeing even i am alone, its all done !  i can drive eventually and go everywhere where i ever wanna go haha kinda fun you know
even sometimes people assumed you as a lonely peep  with no mate tho 😅😅  but still kinda refreshing and mind soothing 
however now i just cant! haha cant go anywhere with anyone anyplace i love need to be with my husband 😘
not that its not fun to be with husband more loving and honeymoon kinda feelings if you go with your husband
only sometimes, we the girl just need that 'girl's time'  you know what i mean right hahaha 😅😅😅
till then gonna watch another DVDs some more 😘
toodles! bye~ Ds

Intertwine

** intertwine either being a very good wife  or an obedient menantu to your husben's mother intertwine either you wanna cry and bold your shoulders for your husben nor listen to her berat sebelah love and anger ** instead rather than let your husben tears of hatred  for being secondize by the mother i should rather be menantu hantu not that i am being batu api for them to fight off but i do love and sympatyze my beloved man i saw him tears bcoz of that unfair love giving unfair treatment by the mother being condemn and cold faces by his own superwoman i just cant imagine how hurts in his heart ** we do try and ask forgiveness but again we fell defeated by the words of a mother the words that may kill and poison that only man called a SON again that broken heart bleeding she's wining the others  instead soothing and persuading my man's broken heart ** we both went silenced for days  maybe weeks only silenced can heal our heart ** but then  she realized we're running further from her she feels sorry to us and ask us to come back
since her name is MOTHER we soothing our own heart  ang let down our curtains
we forgive and ask another forgiveness  for our stubborness and kecil hati in hope she will treat and love us like the others the others that she always winning them  in all things in all keadaan  n even places
why you must compared us? why MOTHER? is he not your own child?  or maybe it just me not seeing them? (the love that you should shower to him)
** i do feels sorry  for letting that unspeakable questions out of my filty mouth yet what just happen infront this pair eyes me unable to forget the feels when you saw your man tears in anger and pain no not forget any single not in the mean time ** it just not the same anymore
not bcoz of some called dendam in thw very inside with your own MOTHER but
maybe we need time  and time and more time to heal  completely hopefully for the sake of my man's dunniya wa akhiroh since SYURGA still under his superwoman MOTHER

the shy girl has a gun

its amazing  how much your life can change so suddenly life's too short take things as a joke laugh at them and don't think twice just be loud and laugh as you wanted  and not feel like you had to blend into the background
* *
off to lessons kid!  live your life while it last 

toodles!
xoxo  Ds

the untold

once.. are the untold stories.. the untold stories that i hold for years.  the stories that i don't want to tell anyone..  not just because they hurt me..  but also they hurt others..  others that once were reasons for my laugh, my tears, my punching bag, and my midnight story's teller.   yet, i barely able to save the untold stories inside my tinny tiny brain  and hold the tears in my beating heart.  but, now i realized. by doing such thing, responded their questions via silents doesn't help at all..  it just make people hurts so much and doing things that i can't ever forgive myself.  how would.. i.. hmm.. 

p/s : repost from the draft.. am not remember what is the UNTOLD.. just posting.. dah.. Tudels !

Pergi ada senyum.. balik? :blughhhh

hai der.. 
as promised.. hows DUGA at melaka kan.. em emm macam hahahahhampeh.. ahakss seriously shame on me la ongputih kata hahahmmm alaaaaa die punye interviewer tu garang sangat.. psiko kemain.. biase lah bank punye interview kan.. tapi tu lah.. aku jadik tabik dah dekat orang yang kerja as sales executive tu.. not soo easy i guess for them to pass through all that killer questions.. actually bile dipikir2,, soalan2 yang interviewer tu tanye sbnrnye predictable sbb kau taip je soalan interview utk sales executive kat mr.google tu.. mostly akan keluar soalan yang same macam ape yang depa interviewer tu tanye..[aku tahu sebab aku dah google n memang tu pon yang depa tanye hahahah] 
cume camne ek nak kate.. ape yang aku bace product2 sales company diorang tu,, macam aku tak hadam.. silap kat aku jugak,, tak study leklok haha,, mungkin jugak aku dah mindset kot dalam pale otak nih,, yang sales punye keje ni bukan bidang aku.. sebab tu laaa punce kot aku tercangak2 nak jawab hahaha 
aduhai,, takpelah.. jangan mengeluh walau jejauh datang for something yang shameless kan diri sendiri.. tebalkan muke je lah tadi..  . . . . lessons !  . . . . nanti esok lusa tulat lain kali kasi hadam hehabiss.. be prepared! ini tak.. separoh jalan je study lepas tu kau expect dapat jawab interview excellently.. hahah hambik kau,, hancus semua.. so.. dear Dayah.. take note hokeh ! bye
[cume tu lah.. dapat jenjalan melake tadi. walaupun series giler panas! makin penat badan rase nye.. Allahu.. panas dunia dayah.. merungut je kau !] 

enterrbiuwwww

one word
HORRORRRRR
hahaha Allahu for seriously i reallyyyy tak suka this kind of feelings... sebab ape.. name pon interview.. di interview.. di temuduga.. di DUGA yang amattt.. aku dah la lame tinggal mende2 interview ni.. lepastu sejak2 jadik suri rumah suri hati Mr. pilot nih,, makin kelaut pulak aku punye konsep2 akaun entah kemane,, aset liabiliti debit kredit sume tough lagi,, yang part maksud2 bagai tu Allahu lemah cek.. memang tak di hingat lah ayat2 buku maksud tu sume. last2 aku punye ikhtiar hidop ape lagi,, essay la tapi ayat sendirik.. ayat buku takdak.. hahaha

kau bayangkan heh..
satu hari kau dapat call dari sekian sekian company,, panggil interview,, kau sorg lawan dengan 9 other candidates [memang normal actually bersaing dalam interview nih.. aku jek tertinggal hahaha].. candidates tuh bukan sebarang candidates hokeh.. lepas aku interview depa2 tuh dulu,, dorang tu berpengalamannnn... more than 5years experience in account pon hade.. memang kalah lah haku.. lepas tuh.. this interview nak kejarkan only one spot vacancy - executive account.. n then.. kate nye lagi akan ade exam paper kene jawab in 1hour n a half,, soalan account base and subjektif.. 
fine.. 
aku lupe dah semua2 takrif n maksod konsep2 akaun tuh.. kalau praktikel interview face to face aku on.. confident level aku still okeh n jawapan laju keluar [tapi ayat sndiri lah] tapiii,, bile sampai hat ujian subjektif,, aku rase macam ade exam zaman2 unibersiti dedulu pulak.. hahah hilang gindu sekejap n tak jadik nak sambung blaja pulak ghase..
study punye study memalam semalam,, satu mende tak masok otak.. mungkin kepale dah ke gulai lemak cili api kat dapor,, otak dah mikir esok nak kene masak ape, nak kene basoh kain baju, sidai kain, kemas rumah, siram pokok bunge raye kat luor rumah,, carik kucing yang hilang tak jumpe jalan balik lagik.. aduhaiii ponoh kepalo ni mikir pasal ghumah hahahha baru kau tahuu ape erti nye SURI RUMAH hahaha dont u ever ever pertikaikan kerja as housewife ok.. its sesuci lebaran punye kerja.. semua pompuan akan rasa once kau kahwin.. haha 

terus pergi ke klimaks la heh.. 
hahah aku rase lah kan,, aku kalah kot dengan candidates2 tuh semua.. tapi tu lah.. rezeki ajal jodoh pertemuan semua tu kan kerja Dia.. mungkin mane lah tahuu kan,, ade rezeki pulak.. kot2 interviewer tuh tengah carik assistant instead orang2 yang berpengalaman lebih banyak dari die ke kann.. mane lah tahuuu... insyaAllahh...
tak lah seharap sangat,, cume kalau dapat Alhamdulillahh.. kalau tak dapat panggilan,, kite cuba lagi esok.. 
yup.. ESOK..
enterbiuww lagi.. Melaka.. Agro bank.. sales executive..
soalan - isu semasa, pasal sales.. confirm! dah tentu2 aku tak terer bab2 tuh.. tapi takpe lah.. maybe worth trying kan.. em em.. insyaAllah redha aje,, normal lah adat ber-interview merata2 tempat kalau tak dapat,, anggap lah takde rezeki.. 
yang penting.. 
CUBA..
kan.. k la.. saje lah sejak semalam nih haa baru bukak blog balik lah kata kan.. tangan ni gatal lah balik nak menaip kat sini.. sekejap je nih.. nanti hilang ghaip bersawang lah balik blog nih hahaha..  k heh.. toodles! [esok aku hupdate ape aku kene DUGA]

LAYZAYHH

after a while tho,, i have been here since.. 
i dont know how,, tergerak pulak hati ni nak bukak blog.. am missing here u know.. ginduuu nak mengumpat, terumpat, mengadu semua bagai kat sini.. sini lah tempat aku meluah kan isi hati dedulu kala ecehhh haha..  as maybe some people noticed or not even noticed, aku ni sejenis manusia yang kadang tu senang nak luahkan marah nangis ketawa gumbira dengan orang yang aku rapat (even tak ramai pon yang aku rapat).. tapi kadang tu ada benda yang kita sendiri tak boleh nak cerita dekat orang yang rapat dengan kita.. either it is soooo personal,, or maybe kita tak nak lah nanti they're fighting each other or maybe saling bercerita belakang.. tak sedap kan.. thats y i owned this blog.. this is the only one place that i can story mory with people maybe know or nor knowing me, i dont know.. but at least,, only some.. not all my friend realised the existence of this blog.. know why?? because i have no friends ! hahaha joke.. i do have friends,, but macam tu lah.. kadang muncul kadang hilang and then aku pun hilang dari kamus hidup depa.. sedangkan aku yang menghilangkan diri kahh !! dah aku memang macam tu.. bukan maksud aku lupe kawan, still i do follows them all via instagram, facebook,, i just not contact or maybe seeing them since graduated.. 
even kawan2 sekolah since standard 6 pon kadang2 je contact.. itu pon maybe sebab ade member kawin n diajak jadik bridesmaid.. or else,, takde contact maybe.. lagi2 dah kawin dah ade laki,, dah duduk jaoh,, lagiii lahh... memang kawan aku suami aku aje lah haha betulkan pepatah ape tah sebut,
"perempuan ni once dah kahwin,, suami aje lah kawan die"
[ayat tu ayat aku,, paham2 je la heh] eh,, asalnye nak cerite aku dah pindah rumah je hahahha merapu ke lain... yes i've moving from seremban to johor.. being a johorian quite different sikit... ke different byk hahah byk2... yelah kan dah jadik isteri n menantu orang ni,, lain macam sikit lah perasaaan die.. not that i'm not happy.. siape je yg gile kata tak seronok kahwin ade suami jage siang malam,, ade peneman borak tiap2 hari,, ade tempat marah tempat seronok,, tukang bawa pergi jalan2,, so siape je yang tak happy?? mesti ade something wrong dengan orang tu..  . it just,, kadang2,, ujian tuu yelah,, kalau bukan dari suami,, mungkin dari persekitaran yang lain.. either neighbour,, or in laws, or maybe house or job.. for me,, maybe because persekitaran yang lelain tu... 
rumah so far best.. rumah sendiri duduk berdua mesti lah seronok kan,, dapat hias sesuke hati,, dapat menanam sebanyak bunge yang kau nak,, nak cocok pokok cili durian mangge rambutan serai ape bagai pon boleh kat belakang rumah.. larat tak larat je la nyah.. cume tu lah,, jiran pulak tak okey.. hahahah faham2 je lah heh,, bile dah hidup berjiran,, nak tak nak kene lah terima baik buruk nyer.. dapat pulak rumah nye hampirrrr bebenar dengan kite.. sebijik2 die mengumpat kat rumah die, kite boleh dengar.. yang seronok lagi bile mngumpat pasal kite ni ha hahahha seronok! dapat satu pahala... 
masyaAllah aku pun mngumpat skali kat sini ha,, tapi engkorang tak kenal jiran aku tu kan.. anggap macam mengadu aje la heh... alaa bukan engkorang bace pon ape aku post kat sini.. haha aku syok sendiri je nih,, aku taip aku post pastu aku sendiri je yang bace hahah.. simpanan hari depan... buat pengajaran.. alahh kire diary yang tak berape privasi sgt la.. . alahai manusia.. mungkin aku pun silap kot,, salah ke kalau aku terperap kat rumah je.. bukan terperap ape,,, aku keluar jugak rumah menyapu sampah, bakar sampah, sidai kain,, kau nampak kan batang hidung aku ni kat luar rumah,, itu punnnn nak mngumpat lagi kate aku terperukkk je dalan rumah.. takkan aku nak jadik macam si dia tu,, selalu pergi bertandang kat rumah orang berborak n berumpat buat ketupat nak raye haji agaknye.. dah aku mmg bukan jenis bertandang,, orang umpat cerite macam mane pun macam tu je lah aku,, tak bertandang jugak.. ape yang diorang dapat punnn tak tahuu lah kite. mungkin dapat seronok.. . lagi satu,,, salah ke aku duk menganggur sekejap kat rumah?? bukan nye aku tak carik keje.. baru sebulan je pon aku mnggangur,, suami aku okey,, awak pulak yang susah.. alahai,, hari2 pulak tu duk bercerita pasal aku kat sebelah rumah.. n mostly tiap kali aku keluar menyapu kat luar rumah,, depa2 ni tanya dah dapat kerja ke?? dah pegi carik kerja ke?? hahah terima kasih laa concern angat2.. 

n lagi satu topik hangat pasal aku yang jadik modal bercerite depa2... "dah ade isi ke?" . . hmmmm masyaAllah astaghfirullah,, kat mane lah silap aku.. bukan aku yang tentukan.. kalau aku boleh tentukan,, laa ni jugak aku nak ade isi siap nak isi dengan kembar 2 3 4 lagi boleh?!! haha aduhai aduhai.. 

geram !!
sedih ... itulah sebabnye kot hahaha makin cengkung ecek... tak lah cengkung mane,, cume kurus sekeping macam zaman sekolah dedulu.. zaman berat pangkat 3* kg hahahaha terime kasih dekat depa2 sebelah kot yang bercerite2 dekattt bangat sampai telinge ni boleh dengar.. sabar je lah wahai hati.. ade hikmah,, sabar sabar.. takpelah.. boleh senyum lagi ni.. sebab ade laki kat sebelah kan.. hahaha  btw,, tak share pulak gambar kahwin aku kat sini.. bulan 4 haritu kahwin nye.. alhamdulillah 4 bulan dah lebih kurang.. tu lahhhh asbab nyee,, si jiran2 duk concern pasal isi tak isi tuhh.. hahaha [bukan jiran aje,,,semua semua lah senang cerite... inc in laws.. di compare.. lagi tak tahan.. ] . okey dah tak boleh cite lelebih.. ini pon dah malu sangat dah bukak pekung kat sini... hopefully takde lah yang kenal cek bace post ni... bile luah,, bru boleh makan nasik 2 3 pinggan hahaha 
dah bye peeps... 



p/s : esok interview keje... wish me luck !! [belum study mende lagi haha]

stressed is not the way in.. just have to find the way out..

Bismillahi ya Allah.. seriouly aku tak tahu dah nak luah kat mana.. luah mati mak,, simpan mati anak lah orang tua2 kata.. memang kalau tak luah memang tak tenang lah hati aku.. stress susah hati nya masyaAllah.. ya Allah,, kadang tu, dengan tak baik nya ak selalu persoalkan, kenapa kenapa kenape aku.. kenape lah itu, kenapa ini... kalau aku mcm ni, kalau aku mcm tu.. tak bersyukur langsung.. 
cume aku stress.. stress sangat.. nak bagitahu kat soleh,, dia pun dah cukup stress,, tak sampai hati pulak nk tambah stress lagi.. nak luah kat mak ayah,, masing2 sibuk,, bz dengan persiapan.. along angah pulak bizi aje.. diorang pun ade problem sendiri kot.. ya Allah,, nangis je lah keje aku.. daripada dulu,, sampailah sekarang.. bila tah la nak kering nye... lagi berapa hari je lagi ni.. ade je masalah yang datang.. lagi nak dekat,, lagi susah hati, lagi risau, lagi tambah nak nangisss... hmmm.. orang kate lagi nak dekat lagi hati bahagia.. 
ye,, syukur alhmdulillah memang aku bahagia,, soleh pandai ambik hati aku,, die terime aku seadanya,. syukur aku ditemukan semula dengan dia.. cume tak tahu kenapa makin dekat makin macam2 jadi.. kenapa aku rasa tak mudah sebenarnye nak kawin nih.. tak mudah.. hmm mohon ya Allah.. permudahkan.. ak risau sangat.. susah hati kemain... rasa nak lari pergi jumpe laut sekejap ke ape.. tak terluah rasa nye.. hmmmm

KECEWA

KECEWA.. LAGI.. HMMMMMMM

am i fit for this post? hmmm

hmmm am i fit? am i regret? no.. i just feels  like wanna cry.. hmm i dont think am fit with this job.. i'm careless.. bukan sikit.. tapi banyak.. hmm i already tried NOT TO BE that careless,, but how !! am still the same.. hmmm i just felt like what the heck am i !!! rasa macam nak resign pun ade.. hmmmpphh.................................

going to see you

heart pertama

rinduu !!! ok esok balik.. 
 

saja lah nak throwback sikit.. bape bulan je lagi.. 

meeeee ! it just me !

Heyyo peeps.. Assalammualaikum..

hows life today?? fantastic? amaze?? horrible?? haha life is life... there's must be a moment where we'll crying a lot,, and a moment we'll be laughing like crazy ha ha. if there nothing happened,, then it's not life.. know what i mean?? ha ha

actually today i don''t have any topic or any new words to be share.. i just want to..............

to................................ express what i feel inside... inside my heart hoho sounds deep haa?? =]

**

whoo totally different isnt it? actually all the above i found them in my draft..
i wrote them on 2013.. how childish and cheerful girl i was back then..
now.. i don't think i can write so cheerful macam tu haha...
don't know why,, dah tak reti..
maybe, sebab things changed..
environment, friends, were not the same anymore.. me either.. totally dah tak macam dulu..
aku sendiri rasa diri aku dah lain..
how i've change? time.. it changed me..


**

Excited but terrified !

guess what.. i'm homeeee ! [dhaaa,, u already home last week -,-] haha forget it..

actually.. no idea haha.. i'll just give u this pic la heh.. quote by professor i dont know his name.. yet,, his word already explaning what i wanna say.. ok guys.. tudels !

Emotional a bit..

" we will not go down gaza" Michael Heart
i love this songgg... 
i've been searching for this song in youtube.. the original music video for it.. but nothing found... i wonder why is that.. i keep searching and searching but still can't find ! i only found cover song made by other singers.. and still i wonder WHY ?

is it because the ISRAEL people deleted them? or the youtuber delete them? are they afraid to face the truth they've done to Palestine, to Gaza? 
i know i'm not anyone but me still muslim, a human. are they human? or the right word,, they're animals. not knowing the right, the truth.. pity.. may ALLAH help us.. help the palestine.. the syrian..Muslims.. 

#1 Double TWO

somedays you just have to create your own sunshine. there will be a day where noboby will stand for you, nobody will understand your feelings, your hurts, your tears, nobody. and again you'll alone standing behind the sun and let the shadow embezzle you. 
but,
sometimes, a smile can turn a cloudy and rainy day, into a beautiful sunny day.. there's always a reason to smile with.. we just have to find it. sounds simple but unless you've tried, you'll never find it.. 
  Double two...
Alhamdulillah segala pujian bagi Allah.. no one knows what exactly planned for us.. Double two held so much to me.. i just can't say how much it means. but because of it, it makes me has the only reason to smile and insyaAllah i'll try my hardest to make it long last. me already found one. you?  have faith will ya.. 

till then.. bye peeps ^^

stubborn

i' not arguing. i'm simply explaining that i'm right. that annoying feeling ! when you're dying to talk to someone but you refuse to text them first. what a crab !  hey little miss stubborn.. just end your pen now !  i'm outta of here.. toodles !

Silenced

heyyo peeps ! me still working, at the office. but as usual,, that big 'M' always accompanying me.. hailaa.. till the end of this month, i would not be as busy as the ant. because account ended June 2016 all have been submitted to the IRB. not all actually.. still i have some free time laa for this stuff.. merepek2 kat sini hehe..
yesterday, i watched a movie. Silenced. Korean movie. 

Gong-yoo ! hehe i admired him since i watched him in Runningman episode berapa entah. he's cute !
ok back to the movie.. the movie story about that man, newly occupied at dumb and deaf school at countryside. Poor little things, some of the dumb and deaf students have been sexually abused mentally and physically by the other irresponsible teachers. That man tried to uphold justice and help the students but as we all already knew, money can buy anything.
Good story but it gave me goosebumps. 
footnote : the story reminds me about how money can change everything. how nowadays people get blind with dollars. what i can just say to myself, be ready to uphold yourself, with today's economy, in the future. 
16:37 nice to stay but bye ! till another topics, ^^